


But I would Die For You in Secret

by LeotheLionathefootofOrion



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, Bottom Hisoka, Descriptions of Injury, M/M, Major Manga Spoilers, Marriage, Top Illumi, graphic smut, references to death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:08:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25942609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeotheLionathefootofOrion/pseuds/LeotheLionathefootofOrion
Summary: Hisoka and Illumi consummate their marriage before their inevitable ending. There are no regrets.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 14
Kudos: 167





	But I would Die For You in Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I said I was gonna write about their marriage,,, I apologise in advance for it not being the soft fluff we were all hoping for but uhhh yeah. Please be aware that there be spoilers ahead!

Hisoka wakes up hungry and rolls onto his side to check the clock on his nightstand. It’s a little past 5 in the morning and from the sound of things it’s raining outside. He flops back onto his back and looks up at the ceiling. There’s a hairline crack in the plaster above his head which irritates him faintly. He wonders how long he will have to stay in this place; hopefully not long, because he hates the sight of dirty curtains and cheap carpets. He’s lying low and hiding from the world and the reminders are all around him. 

Exhaustion leaks through every muscle in his body until he’s forced to close his eyes again. He should get up and eat, go down to the gym and train his body back into wakefulness. Instead, he pulls his grey cashmere blanket up around his head and he hunkers down into the warmth of his mattress.

This is exactly where Illumi finds him, about 2 hours later. He was raised to have manners but Illumi walks right into Hisoka’s bedroom like it’s public property. He observes the large lump under the blanket with chagrin. He had wanted Hisoka’s assistance in planning a mission to the islands around glam gas, but it seems he won’t be getting that today. And time is ticking on, so his ability to leech information from Hisoka is diminishing by the day. Illumi is perhaps the only person to know (except perhaps for Machi, who knows very much against her own will) that a tired Hisoka is very much like a wakeful Hisoka. Except a tired Hisoka is softer around the edges and liable to desire all sorts of inconvenient things.

Illumi seriously considers backing out of the hotel entirely, but considers his duty as a husband first. His marriage to Hisoka is hardly traditional but it means something deep and important to both of them. He looks at the tuft of pink hair poking out from the blanket and sighs deeply. His decision is already made. Hisoka is tired and he needs taking care of: Illumi is the man for the job.

Something about his eyes reminds Illumi of Killua. There’s a fire there that Illumi himself lost many years ago and doubts that he’ll ever regain. Hisoka, much like Killua, fights with every cell in his body to be seen and heard. But Hisoka has a kind of permanent cruelty within him, one that Illumi suspects that Killua will never gain. Killua has known pain but Hisoka has been to hell and back so many times he’s more demon than he is human. Still, Illumi likes to be reminded of his little brother. From the day Killua was born Illumi was there to take care of him. Killua resents that now, while Illumi cherishes the fact.

He sits delicately on the edge of the mattress and settles himself in to watch over Hisoka. His breathing is even and easy to keep track of and Illumi amuses himself by calculating the exact rate of Hisoka’s pulse. It keeps him occupied until he finally decides to wake up, pulling the blanket down an inch or too. There’s confusion in Hisoka’s eyes first, then curiosity. Finally he settles into an expression of satisfaction. There’s a slight crust of sleep dust around the corner of his eyes and his hair is just on the wrong side of tousled. Something very deep down inside of Illumi twitches with fondness.

“Hullo, Illu.” He emerges further from the cocoon and stretches, showing off a set of perfect teeth in a rather gruesome wide mouthed smile. Even after a full night of sleep he still smells of candy somehow. Not that Illumi is complaining.

“Good morning.” He says, absent-mindedly brushing a curl of pink away from Hisoka’s forehead. The way the magician leans into the touch and blinks long and slow is almost heartbreaking. “You seem tired.”

Hisoka shrugs and heaves himself up into a sitting posture. For the first time Illumi catches a glimpse of the missing hand and the scarred flesh. He’s just about used to Hisoka’s smashed in face by now - his eyes remain the same in the middle of all the destruction. The hand and foot, conspicuous in their absence, are more difficult to reconcile. He watches as Hisoka raises his remaining hand and extends it to apply his usual layer of texture surprise.

“You don’t need to do that.” He says quietly. “You should rest. Soon enough you won’t have much of an opportunity for that.” His tone is colder than he’d intended but Hisoka doesn’t seem offended. In fact it’s rather the opposite. He melts and slumps back into the pillows with his ever bright eyes fixed on Illumi’s face.

“Sometimes I wonder why you don’t leave me, Illu. Most people wouldn’t stay with someone so terribly deformed.” He shuffles slightly to the left on the mattress. It’s an open invitation which Illumi takes graciously, lying flat on his back beside Hisoka. The crack in the ceiling bothers him too but he decides to keep quiet on that subject.

“I was never exactly with you for your good looks.” He says flatly. Hisoka snorts out a laugh which rapidly dissolves into a soft giggle. Illumi allows himself a smile too - Hisoka always laughs at his jokes even at their subtlest.

“I know, I know. But you have fulfilled your duties as a husband to the highest degree. I can’t fault you on any of it.” Illumi feels Hisoka turn onto his side, feels the force of his gaze. “When the time comes you will do your job beautifully too. But you know, aside from killing me... there’s still one marital duty you are yet to perform.”

Illumi resists the urge to roll his eyes. Hisoka places the sublime so close to the ridiculous it becomes impossible to tell the difference between the two. Death and sex have always walked hand in hand with him.

“We’ve had sex many times as I am sure you remember.” He tilts his chin toward the ceiling and feels Hisoka nudge a little closer, hot breath just inches away.

“I remember.” He says lowly. “I never forgot for a moment. If Chrollo hadn’t compromised my ability to speak by smashing in my pretty mouth, I would have died with your name on my lips, just as I came so many times with your name on my tongue.”

Illumi shivers imperceptibly and presses his thighs together. He isn’t sure what he hopes to achieve. Hisoka doesn’t stop talking although his mouth is so close, Illumi can feel the buzz of the words on his skin.

“But I’ve never let you fuck me as your husband, Illumi. Don’t you think we ought to christen our marriage bed? Now you’ve finally made me an honest man?”

Illumi rolls onto his side and finds himself face to face with Hisoka. Under all the scars and the missing pieces he’s as beautiful as ever. Those eyes burn like faraway suns. Illumi reaches out to the familiar ravaged cheek.

“You’ll never be an honest man and we both know it. But I’ll fuck you anyway.”

Hisoka moans, a sound that feels just like home to Illumi. There’s no kissing because Hisoka is all teeth, now. But he sinks his face into Illumi’s neck and laves his tongue hot and wet until both of them can barely breathe. Illumi grapples with his hair and digs into the muscle of his shoulders, immovable as ever. He’s more turned on that he has been in a long time. Somehow Hisoka’s words have got him hard and aching. He grips Hisoka’s biceps and hauls him on top, grinding forward at the same time. There’s a beautiful moment of crushing friction as he finds his balance on Illumi’s lap. He grins down, a ravaged wreck of a human being. Illumi parts his lips and lets the smallest of moans to flow forward.

“Not raw.” He gasps out, because Hisoka is edging backwards at the same time as beginning to divest Illumi of his clothes. He doesn’t want the blood and the chafing this morning. Hisoka laughs sweetly and squeezes Illumi’s now bare thighs. He’s already naked and he makes short work of Illumi’s pants and tank top with his one hand.

“Not raw my love. You have to be gentle with your husband... whisper sweet words and open him up gently. Don’t scare him away.” Hisoka murmurs and presses a sachet of hotel lube into Illumi’s hand. It’s cheap and there isn’t enough of it to make a proper job. But this isn’t Hisoka’s first time and he opens deliciously for Illumi’s fingers. Instead of scraping and scarring, Illumi makes it as soft as he dares. His fingertips caress and kiss until Hisoka arches his back and whines like a wounded animal.

“You’re too good to me Illu. Nobody treats me like you. I don’t deserve such devotion. Oh my love... will you kill me as beautifully as you fuck me with your fingers? I think you will.” 

Illumi feels his cock twitch and he emits a whine of his own. Digging his nails into the flesh of Hisoka’s ass, he pulls him back until the tip of his cock brushes between his cheeks. Hisoka’s body shudders, thighs clenching and single hand twitching as Illumi pulls him down in one swift motion. Hisoka throws back his head and howls. 

Illumi doesn’t remember much of the sex - the clench and warmth of Hisoka’s body and the heat of his filthy words too. It all becomes a hot blur in his head. Images remain, of Hisoka’s eyes and their shine, their twisted kind of love. It is without doubt the most important experience of his life. For the first time he realises exactly what he is: the perfect half of Hisoka’s whole. In the same moment he realises that the knowledge has come too late. This is the last time he will ever feel complete.

He thinks that Hisoka has known for a long time, that they are meant to be together.

Hisoka grinds down and scratches Illumi’s chest with his claw-like fingers, dragging them both deeper into the spell. His breathing is loud and peppered with half formed moans and he shouldn’t be as beautiful as he is. But Illumi is transfixed and barely able to control himself. Every time his cock slips out of Hisoka’s body he thinks he might die from the loss, but every time Hisoka is there with his roughed hand and the welcoming heat of his body. Illumi is only a few strokes away from cumming deep and hard when their eyes meet: two piercing yellow and two black as deep winter’s ice. A stuttering breath grasps at Illumi’s lungs and he clamps his mouth shut before he can say something he regrets.

Hisoka doesn’t seem to believe in regrets at all. His hand finds one of Illumi’s and threads their fingers together, squeezing tight. He keeps looking at Illumi like he’s afraid of something. Illumi doesn’t want to find out what it is that scares Hisoka so badly. He’s sure he wouldn’t be able to handle it. 

He finishes just like that, grasping at Hisoka’s hand and emptying himself into familiar warmth. His hips twitch up in aftershocks while Hisoka bends himself almost in half to bite down at Illumi’s neck. The pain hits him like a breeze on a hot day and his eyes slip closed. Ecstasy bleeds through ever cell of his existence. When he opens his eyes again he can only watch in fascination as Hisoka moves as fluidly as water, stroking his cock until he cums and every muscle tenses. Illumi feels it too, like an earthquake or some other Act of God. 

Hisoka looks like he could cry. Illumi understands: he cups his hands under his thighs and eases Hisoka away until they are side by side on the mattress and pressed together in one static line of heat. Hisoka’s breath stutters into an even rhythm and Illumi pretends not to feel how hard their hands still cling together.

“If this is the honeymoon then I think I’m going to like married life.” Hisoka murmurs into Illumi’s neck. He can feel his scars through the way he talks, like there’s something painful lurking at the back of his throat. He wonders, briefly, if there is any universe in which they could co-exist: loving each other without killing each other. He dismisses the thought as soon as it comes. He doesn’t want a different universe. All he wants is the soft hair at the back of Hisoka’s neck brushing against his fingers and the knowledge that Hisoka is his to keep for the next half an hour.

“I’m not convinced.” He says, struggling to keep his voice flat. “I think you need to work on your technique.” 

Hisoka laughs. His one hand comes up and tangles in Illumi’s hair in a gesture that is more desperate than fond. “Alright, I’ll bear that in mind. Husband of my heart.” Illumi feels the flutter of Hisoka’s eyelashes as he begins to settle. “Wake me up in an hour, and I’ll be going. We have a long game to play.”

Illumi stares at the crack in the ceiling as Hisoka sinks into an exhausted kind of sleep. They have never slept like this before: in each other’s arms like lovers. When Illumi feels two fat tears slipping down his cheeks he isn’t surprised. If there’s an hour for crying, this is it. The tears land on Hisoka’s exposed forehead like a pair of kisses. It seems right that they should be there. When Hisoka wakes up they’ll be dry and Illumi will be his practical self once more.

“Husband of my heart.” He murmurs. The words feel good in his mouth. He’s glad he allowed himself to say them. He’s glad that Hisoka is his husband, even gladder that he will be the one to kill Hisoka in the end. He wants to give his husband the death he deserves.

He closes his eyes tightly and begins to count Hisoka’s breaths, wondering just how many he has left. The number is finite now. It seems important to make each one worth it. Hisoka deserves Illumi’s care and remembrance at the very least. And if nothing else, Illumi has the remembrance of this.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments make me happy. That’s all I’m sayin.


End file.
